All in the Family
by Katryna Black
Summary: It's a Pureblood thing.  PostHP7, preepilogue, RonGinny, general Weasleycest.  You'll need a shower afterwards.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it's characters, or anything Harry Potter related, nor am I making money off of this.

A/N: I've already been asked to leave the fandom, so why not? Hell in a hand basket, afterall.

The moral of the story: I don't know, it's something to do with toothpaste and Pumpkin Pie.

* * *

"Now, see here Ginny," Ron lectured. Anything he said to Ginny was lecture, ever since he was old enough to realize that he could, being older and all. 

Ginny bit back an inward groan as Ron continued, his hands on his hips in a strange facsimile of their mother on her good days. "Harry's a very busy guy, what with the prophecy, the weight of the world on his shoulders, all that. He's got to fix the ministry, kill the Death Eaters-"

"Naturally, by himself," Ginny muttered under her breath, but Ron didn't notice, as he tended not to.

"-and he doesn't have time to be snogging with teenagers, or any other distractions. So, it's best if you just let him be, yeah?"

"What does it matter to you?" Ginny asked, her voice seemingly coming out upside down as she hung over the side of her bed, blood quickly rushing to her head and her braid brushing the ground.

"It doesn't!" Ron immediately took the defense. "I'm just saying, is all. As his unofficial bodyguard, I've got to take care of things like this. In short, I'll do anything in my power to keep you away from him." He added, as an afterthought, "For the time being."

"Oh?" Ginny was genuinely interested now. She rolled right side up and propped her self up on her elbows. "What will you do about it?"

Perhaps her voice was too deep, because Ron turned red and started sputtering, unable to get out anything intelligible. He seemed to think otherwise, nodded thoughtfully and looked to her for a reply.

She bit her bottom lip and kicked her ankles in the air. He bumped his fist against his thigh and coughed.

"Fred and George used to shag all the time," she said helpfully.

"I should hope so," Ron said.

"With each other," Ginny clarified.

Ron choked on his tongue, which Ginny would have found amusing if she didn't want said tongue to be occupied with other things.

"Is there, er," Ron asked, his voice sounding more like a cross between a toad and a mouse than a Weasley, "anything else I should know about my family?"

"Bill and Charlie taught them," Ginny answered.

"Percy?" Ron squeaked.

"Couch wasn't the only reason he left."

"Blimey."

"I'm seeing a pattern here," Ginny said, hopping off the bed.

"Huh?" Ron echoed, still wrapping his mind around the fact that all of his male siblings were incestuous.

"Give me a reason," Ginny said, pressing herself up against her stunned brother, "to leave Harry alone."

"That's incest!" he pointed out what could only be the obvious. "Only Purebloods do that!"

"We are Purebloods," she deadpanned, wondering if he realized she had breasts.

"That's hardly an excuse!" His voiced wavered, he wondered if she realized that she had breasts.

"Our entire family practiced it," she reasoned. "There must be some reason to it!"

"Everyone knows," Ron said, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her an arm's length away, but hardly letting go, "that Fred and George were hardly right in the head." His voice was soft and almost regretful.

Her voice was equally sad. "I don't think anyone's right in the head anymore."

Ron took a deep breath, letting it out through his nose. He looked to the ground, then once over his shoulder into the hallway. He shrugged and let her go, letting her fall back into his chest, wondering if always being the alternative (again) was the right thing.

As Ginny's lips met his, he decided that his brothers, late and otherwise, had the right idea, keeping it in the family.

* * *

Well, I feel nice and dirty. Do you feel dirty? I do. I think I'm going to go take a shower. 


	2. Chapter 2

8.24.2007, 9PM: Ahem. Fixed a very large Freudian slip.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it's characters, or anything related to Harry Potter, nor am I making money off of this.

A/N: I totally blame JKR. She _asked_ for it, you know she did! And Ron.

Warnings: Weasleycest. Lots of it. Makes my family look somewhat normal.

* * *

As fate would have it, Percy had knocked once on the door and, without pause, had opened it before waiting for a reply. Such was the manners of the Weasley clan, even for the most refined of them. 

Naturally, Percy had paled considerably until it settled around his mind what exactly he was walking in on. Then his cheeks bled into a color that matched his red hair, his dark eyes narrowed dangerously and he hissed out, "You _pervert_." Nothing else escaped his lips as Ron's body slammed into his, knocking him out of the room, through the hall, and into the bedroom across the hall.

"Like you're one to talk," Ron grunted, untangling his limbs and racing his brother for the door. Ron won, and it clicked closed, the weight of the two siblings holding it in place.

"And just what are you accusing me of? Percy asked, his voice strained as he leaned heavily on Ron's side.

"Don't play dumb, Percy," Ron said. "I know all about Bill and Charlie-"

"So you screw your little sister? Very nice-"

"Thought it took three to tango, eh?"

"They wouldn't let me!" Percy slipped. Ron blinked and physically stepped down, letting go of Percy's shirt.

"Why would you want to?" Ron asked, genuinely curious and just a little bit disgusted.

"You should understand! No, wait, you do," Percy insisted.

"Ginny's a girl!" Ron pointed out.

"That's not the part that matters!" Ron shook his head as he tried to figure out what parts Percy was referring to. He ran his fingers through his hair and reminded himself to breathe. He was doing that rather often nowadays.

"They didn't want me," Percy began, and Ron almost asked the gods, Why me?

"Bill had Charlie. Fred had George. And you and Ginny were still so innocent…" Percy's face was so pitiful, it did nothing to help Ron's ever growing bubble of guilt growing in his stomach. He was sure it was visible now, and soon his trousers wouldn't fit anymore.

"So you left," Ron finished.

Percy's anger was renewed. "And you defiled our little sister!"

"She seduced me!" Ron squeaked.

"Let me watch," a voice, small and broken pleaded from its place in George's throat. George, helpfully, had been sitting on his bed the entire time, invisible and silent until now.

"What?" "Why?" Percy and Ron asked together, prompting a mutual glare.

"Do you still not get it?" Percy growled, but George stepped between the two.

"Please," George said to Ron. "Let me watch."

George, who was missing his ear and was only half there, never to be whole again, wanted to watch his baby brother fuck his baby sister.

Yeah, Percy. Yeah, I get it.

"Bloody cuckoo, the lot of you," Ron said, putting an arm around George, who smiled like he hadn't in weeks. Besides Ginny, it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

As an afterthought, and more of a joke than anything else, Ron grinned at Percy, "Care to join?"

Percy considered, and Ron wondered if he should clarify, but what exactly was he clarifying?

Ginny had stayed in her room, wearing only her panties and Ron's shirt. She was on the bed in the exact same position Ron had found her in the day before when this whole mess had started. She cocked an eyebrow at Ron when he led two more siblings into the room.

"Ah," Ron began, fully intending to explain everything.

"Whatever," Ginny said with a wave of her hand.

Ron gulped.

George smiled.

Percy stared.

Ron sighed, "I'm never going to find those marbles."

"What marbles?" Percy asked as Ginny gave a look that clearly conveyed, I'm half naked and waiting, and all you can think about are marbles?

"Sorry, mate," George grinned. "Lost marbles are never found. Never. Believe me, I know."

It was much later that Ron suddenly sat up, waking everyone with his gasped, "Do Mum and Dad know?"

No one knew quite how to answer Ron's question.


End file.
